House, MD Crack Fanfic
by LoverBoyWonder
Summary: this is pure crack. you have been warned. DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING SAVE MY NAME.


Ok so Wilson's in his office doing paperwork when house bursts in and Wilsons like "wtf get out of my office you addict" and House goes "Wilson I love you" and Wilson says "oh well that's ok then" and they're getting it on on his couch. Thirteen's next door and she can hear them so she calls Foreman who's all "hey guys I'm black what now" and he calls Chase who was supposed to call Cameron but everybody hates her so he didn't. and then Cuddy walks in and hands Chase his kangaroo 'cause he forgot it at home where she had a slumber party last night and she rides in the kangaroo's pouch and then Chase jumps in and they have another partayyyy. 13 and Foreman feel left out so they go into the pouch too and the kangaroo's just like wtf mate? And Chase starts talking to it like "g'day mate Sydney opera house didgeridoo koala" and the kangaroo goes "Steve Irwin" and Chase is like "lols!!" Cameron's walking by and they're partying without her so she starts crying and they throw tomatoes at her. So she eats them.

…The tomatoes. Not the doctors. Kutner's with Taub cause Taub is walking by and they call him big nosed midget but they let him in cause he has the drugs and kutner has CANDYYYY then they lock the door so Cameron can't get in. but they forgot to let Kutner in!!!! and House and Wilson are still getting it on. And then Kutner comes

…into the room because he's a superhero and can walk through walls. Then Chase gets out the beer so they can have Taub's drugs and he gets arrested by Tritter!! But Cameron gets jealous 'cause she thinks Tritter's trying to steal Chase. Which he is. So she eats him. Fo reals this time. But he's poisonous so she dies. House walks in but it's not House. IT'S HIS CLONE!!!! And he sees Cameron who's dead and he yells "Ding dong the witch is dead!!" but Cuddy's like "Noes House you must save her!! Cause you are SuperUltraAddictDoctorShmexiness!" "And House is just like "well FINE" and Cameron comes back to life and spits out Tritter. Then she had to wash out her intestines with soap to get rid of the taste. Then House's clone yells "SUPERULTRAADDICTDOCTORSHMEXINESS AWAAAYYYYY" and jumps off the roof to fight EEEEEVIL with MermaidMan and BarnacleBoy. And they ran off into the sunset and drowned cause people can't survive underwater.

And the kangaroo tries to save them but falls in love with SpongeBob and ditches Chase who starts crying but Kutner gives him some spiked candy and he felt better. Then Chase starts pole dancing and Lucas walks in and he's like "dayummmm" and Cuddy smacks him. But he starts hooking up with Chase anyway. So 13 and Foreman are just watching cause the kangaroo kicked them out of the pouch and Foreman says "Yo I'm ghetto let's have lunch and then hook up, have a huge fight, and break up" and 13's like "ok" so they do.

Meanwhile, in Bikini Bottom SpongeBob soaked up the ocean and everyone died except the kangaroo, who wanted Chase back but didn't know how to get to Australia. So he killed SpongeBob, took his knife, and went to see The Wizard. He didn't follow the Yellow Brick Road so the Oompa-Loompas and the Munchkins ganged up and raped him and then teleported him back to the hospital. Taub was playing Guitar Hero but he lost the rhythm!! So Ozzy came out of the TV and beat him up with a bat, like the real kind not the one for baseball. Then Ozzy ate the bat and Kutner was like "lemme try" so Ozzy gave him another bat and Kutner choked but Cuddy smacked him with her bitchslap powers and he was ok.

Tritter got up but Taub gave him some drugs and he fainted. Then Cuddy looked at him and decided she didn't like him, so she pushed him out the window. He died. But House didn't bring him back to life cause he felt BADASS. Then Amber came back from the dead in order to make out with Wilson. But he was busy with House so she just went back to being dead.

SpongeBob put the water back and everyone came back to life but Mr. Krabs was choking on a Krabby Patty made of money and Plankton wouldn't help him. So who they gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS! But the Ghostbusters were busy so they called Dr. House instead. House picked up the phone and was like "bitch I'm BUSY" and SpongeBob said "ok we'll call Batman" so he did and Mr. Krabs was saved. Robin stepped on Plankton, though. And he didn't apologize cause the Joker was attacking Gotham! "Quick, to the Batmobile!" House saw the car and was like "bitchinnnnn'" but then went back to Wilson. Except it wasn't Wilson! IT WAS THE OLD LADY FROM THE RESTAURANT IN SEASON SIX!!!! House was like "oh shit" and she smacked him with her purse. So he hit her with his cane and she ripped her shirt in half and was really Superman and she tried to beat him up but his SuperUltraAddictDoctorShmexiness was too much for her/him and it was like kryptonite! So Lex Luther who happened to be nextdoor was all "muahahahaha" but then an asteroid fell on his head and he died. FAIL.

And then the sharks started attacking!! They didn't know what to do cause sharks are like fish but these could breathe through their gills and tried to attack the doctors!! Except House knew what to do and had a stare-off with Foreman. He won and all the sharks attacked Cameron instead. She tried to eat them but she was still sick from Tritter so she couldn't. Foreman's just like "I'm still black whut" and so 13 finally smacked him. Then Wilson came back and he was drying his hair. HE KNEW THE FATE OF THE WORLD DEPENDED ON IT. So Taub gave House some drugs and House was like "woooooo" and he kissed Wilson right in front of everyone!! But they were too busy staring at Chase's sparkles!! The kangaroo was jealous. Cuddy shoved her boobs in Lucas' face and he was like "omg have my babies" but she couldn't. FAIL #2.

Foreman was sad cause nobody was paying attention to his blackness. But then Chase smiled at him! He was happy. But the kangaroo was jealous cause it luuurved Chase. So it whacked Foreman with its tail and Foreman was unconscious, and Chase was like "my hero!" and tried to kiss the kangaroo. But then they realized it was a male kangaroo. So Chase got together with a dingo. FAIL #3 YOU'RE OUT.

Cuddy adopted a kid but it hated her and ran away and she was sad. So she bought Raisin Bran! But she didn't share it and everyone went into withdrawal even though she OD'd. Taub ran out of drugs and he had to go to rehab, but he escaped to Bikini Bottom. Kutner realized he was supposed to be dead and killed himself, scarring 13 for life. Foreman was still unconscious and 13 didn't know what to do with him, cause the Hippocratic Oath prevented her from doing operations and doctor stuff on her friend. So she pushed him down the stairs and went to have a three-way with Chase and the koala.

House and Wilson were in love so they ran away from PPTH and lived happily ever after.

The kangaroo went too.


End file.
